This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
