I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize