Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
