I wish I only lived at night.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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