The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
