You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize