worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
