On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
