Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
