How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
