that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
