I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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