I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
