I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
