everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just invented taco cereal.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
