Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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