so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
