I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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