Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You made out with two different species that night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
