I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
