She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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