i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
