I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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