dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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