i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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