i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
