The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
