dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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