my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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