i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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