Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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