R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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