Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out mid-signature
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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