Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
