U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
