and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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