What did we do last night that was yellow?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
