He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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