apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
