I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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