I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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