he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
