um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
