I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I can't turn off my feet"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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