I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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