Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize