i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
