Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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