And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
