I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
