State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
