8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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