Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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