Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
