Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
