remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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