I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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