you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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