people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
