Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
