i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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