thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
