how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize