It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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