She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
