I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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