i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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