i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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