Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
