Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
