I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
