Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
