Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
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we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He has the fingertips of a God
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