My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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